Welcome to the Platformer where we talk about games in an extremely amateur but fun way! This post is confronts my issues with depression and the role gaming has had on my life. Cheerful I know.

Depression. Yep, I will go deep into this happy go lucky topic which also explains my recent absence from blogging. But! Instead of writing how I could aid or assist people by telling my story, this will be more of an… educated rant. Or the excrement of a melted brain trickling down into my finger’s nerve endings. If you wish to keep reading go ahead! As I will talk about my struggles and the pivotal role gaming has played (hehe get it) in shaping me into the man I am today – Granted it could have done a better job.

Spyro 2: Ripto’s Rage! – Child Years

I am an immigrant from Colombia who migrated to England, stopping many times in between, living in a household with four other families within a room where I, my brother and my two parents lived together. I don’t have many memories of this time, according to my brother, and I quote:
“It was a place of a lot of love and hate, but one thing was for certain. Every evening, squashed in the living area was great. Because everyone shut the hell up”
This was our first exposure to a television that we could watch on-demand and we thought it was magical and later found out there was a TV box you could influence! I don’t remember much during this period but I do remember when we moved after 2 years and we got our first luxury purchase, a CRT television with an original PlayStation. (Only 6 years after release). By this time I was five and my brother hogged most of the console, a privilege all younger siblings have, but I finally got to pick a game. I chose one with a cool purple dragon on the cover, seems appropriate.

Wasn’t this about depression and gaming? Spyro was an excellent game but was it my earliest memory? Nope mine is a dry thunderous slap across the face that would awaken my thought process. Why? It’s taken me a while to realise that the reason wasn’t because of me. A popular reason was the open faucet that was my pupils and the fact I didn’t learn to turn it off until far too late in my life. (I’m pretty sure I was punished for crying being recently evacuated from the womb). So how do you help a kid who’s trapped in his own home? You probably call social services (That wasn’t an option).

There is however an escape. Trapped on a laserdisc was a 3D world where a small dragon, filled with larger creatures, could thrive. The world behind me disappeared, the faint smell of alcohol blurring into the background of my senses (in retrospect this may have caused some subconscious issues). Every day after school, Spyro was there. We were a team and he helped carry me through Act 1 of my life (special mention to Lara Croft and eventually Sly Cooper). When I was 12 my parents separated, for obvious reasons (I wasn’t the only punching bag), and things settled until secondary school where I grew short-tempered, gained weight and realised being an immigrant was all of a sudden an issue.

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves – Teenage Years

Throughout secondary school I was very well versed in video games, however, I still used them as a toy. Something to pick up and play but I didn’t get emotionally invested and would have probably phased it out of my life like so many others of my peer group. That was until Uncharted 2. This hit me during a time where I started to experience a higher degree of Art, from To kill a Mockingbird and The Social Network to Uncharted 2. Helping to develop my ideas of quality and improve my creative process because I, of course, was a nerd in school. (I still am but a sexy one at that)

I had an extremely low opinion of myself, granted I was academically more proficient than most of my peers. However, the constant ridiculing of being an import weighed on me heavily. No one in my school could back me up… Alone with no one to share my cultural experiences of family, leading me to believe the negative actions of my family were justified because I guess that’s just how we are. I am aware that I’m paler than a worried ghost so people considered me white to justify their constant drug dealing jokes coming from every colour of the rainbow. As a result, I got attached to explorers, people who want to be in foreign countries and thrive, enter Nathan Drake (the lead character in Uncharted). It also helped that Nathan was able to interact with the females, something I would not learn until much later in my life.

In Uncharted I made friends through characters, this was what hooked me emotionally. I lost a friend during my time in school which arguably was my fault… Justifying my low opinion of myself. Uncharted has great level design, brilliant characters. But I love connecting with Elena and Sully and taking action to a Bully all while exploring the world and celebrating other cultures. I’ve 100% the game and it helped me improve my self worth the best it could. I believe my emotional maturity fully developed when I got my first pet quickly followed by my second in the Last Guardian.

The Last Guardian – Young Adult

After playing Uncharted 2 I started to play a high calibre of games, although I love Call of Duty and FIFA, such as Portal and Metal Gear Solid. One, in particular, blew me away – Shadow of the colossus. Anticipation for the sequel was huge! I went through college and early university, with life being adequate. Was I being bullied? no. Was I being beaten? no. At this point, I’ve just been dealing with the hangover of poisons past. So what’s a better idea than poisoning myself to be happy with alcohol!

The main issue I felt was lacking a feeling of significance, not feeling relevant or important so I felt like my emotional nerve ending had been burned off, however, whenever I was with my dog Diesel I was happy. Not a fake happy alcohol provided but genuine joy. Here is a creature I had trained and loved me unequivocally. I didn’t know this at the time until during my second year of University the Last Guardian was released and discovered the importance of loveable relationships, also to watch what you eat.

The Last Guardian has you playing as a small boy helping, his lost animal friend, Trico to get home. On your journey, you help develop a bond and learn to achieve things you never thought you would. And I fell in love with my weird bird, chicken, cat. There was a moment in the game where I hesitated to leave him behind when the room was collapsing in on itself and called for him when I was alone. I’m the type of person where I would do an infinite amount of favours for people to a point where I get abused for it. Yet here were two creatures, granted one is virtual, that helped me out without having to ask and I made a significant impact on my life. After losing these two relationships I regressed emotionally.

It’s four years later and I have stagnated but decided to look back at the pivotal parts of my life and realised that gaming helped me…evolve. And we all know there can only be a maximum of 3 stages and I realised that I need to express myself to others and the ones that are there to help, will. I have stood up to my family, I have bonded more with my friends and romantically realised that fast-forwarding through important phases in life isn’t healthy because it leaves you feeling numb in the present.

So do games help with depression? No, they’re an escape from reality that helps you forget about your struggles. What it does do is help build your identity but games on their own won’t help. If you’re depressed, first of getting help is a start, and you find games help you deal with ask yourself the question. Why is this helping me? and what does it say about you? Spyro told me that I like to help and despite my believed helplessness I will try. Uncharted helped me realise my love of the world and an urge to find other cultures, even if I do feel like a stranger. Finally, the Last Guardian made me realise what’s important in life, maintaining lovable and altruistic connections.

Thanks for reading! Feel free to subscribe, like this post because it helps (believe it or not).